he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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