I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
