Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
