your thong is hanging out like whoa
so that wasnt chicken after all
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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