you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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