Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
