your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize