just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
