im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Bring me that man meat
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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