My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
