I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
