Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
