So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
