mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize