Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
