If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
