Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
