There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she told me i tasted like america
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
