I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
