The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
