You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
