FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
