If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
