im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize