so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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