you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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