My cat gives me a boner
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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