I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
