omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
