Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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