It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
