The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
