There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
