Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
