Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
