My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
