When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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