I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
