Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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