...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize