On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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