I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
