Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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