I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize