your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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