it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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