Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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