I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
