where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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