My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
did you just send me my own nude
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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