Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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