when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
