I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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