You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
