I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
