Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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