I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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