3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
