You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
