I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
