Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
