Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
