I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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